Recap: The Beverly Hilton on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

The rich women did things this week on our favorite show, Rich Women Doing Things. Their use of the phrase "Winter Wonderland" has become so regular that it is now the first thing they say after a cup of coffee and half a Virginia Slim.

Two party planners were brought in to cut down a forest of fake Christmas trees and create a cocktail that is served in an ornament that is also undrinkable. They did such a bad job fixing each other's false eyelashes at lunch that Jennifer Jason Lee Curtis had to go over them to make sure no eyeballs were lost.

However, most of what they did was get COVID and celebrate Christmas in an odd way. The first event is Kyle's luncheon, where she hosts Jamie Lee Curtis, her Halloween costar. Kyle had fake snow trucked into her front yard for this luncheon, but the guest list consists only of the cast and the child of Hollywood royalty who was also in True Lies.

What's the point of this event if none of the women are cutting checks? Basically, Jamie is there to show all the ladies her trinkets and talk about her My Hand In your line, and then the publicity will get tons of people to buy them. We are the fundraisers. In other words, we are the funds.

Jamie shows the woman the tumbler she made. A hat has been made by her. She has made a keychain, a candle, and a dog leash. As a wind chime maker who has visited Amangiri and your mom's porch, she knows the difference between cute wind chimes and disgusting ones from Lowe's.

Dorit Kemsley called them the chicest wind chimes she's ever seen. Jamie Lee Curtis has merch here, which is what it is. Although it is merch with her charity logo on it, the money goes to a good cause, and it isn't even particularly good merch. To carry this merchandise home, everyone got an incredibly flimsy-looking bag.

Two groups of ladies split up after lunch. We're back in the living room with Dorit and Sutton to watch our second favorite show, Sheree Says Smart Shit. This week, what smart shit did she say? When she asks Sutton why she always gets into trouble, he tells her it's because she says what she thinks. Are you finding that helpful?”

The question is asked by Sheree. As soon as Sutton says she isn't that great, Sheree says, "Maybe it's time to rethink." Yes, Sheree. That's a great idea. The reason Sutton has had beef with just about everyone in the group is that she is clumsy with her words. Every time she says something stupid or inappropriate, she makes a fool of herself.

At Garcelle's party, Sutton mentioned Diana being on bed rest, which was a bitchy comment, but that was not what Diana was upset about when Dorit and Sheree pointed it out to her.  Diana sat down on that couch choosing violence, and it is violence she gave to Sutton, and I think she would have given that same violence no matter what Sutton said. Sutton disgusts Diana in the other room or she is overreacting otherwise.

After the groups reunite, she explains her miscarriage and puts it in perspective, and Sutton, like, apologizes or something? That's all I know. It's impossible for me to decipher exactly what Sutton means, how her words match her actions or anything else she says. I feel like a vampire looking at a mirror when I see Sutton. A human-shaped thing is supposed to be there, but I cannot perceive it.

In the other room, Kyle, Diana, and Crystal discuss Crystal's eating disorder, which she mentioned a bit last season but didn't go into too much detail about. Kyle saw her Instagram post about how she's been struggling with it lately. The question she asks is, "So are you starving or puking?"?

Is it better to starve and then puke? "Tell me everything" Kyle has her own eating disorder history, but that seems odd to me. When someone says they've fallen off the wagon and asks, “Well, what did you drink?” What does the method matter? Solving a problem requires getting to the root of it. In addition to eating disorders, it's a mental health issue as well.

In response, Diana says, "I know how much you love food too." Um, did you just tell a woman with an eating disorder that she is fat? Diana doesn't mean that, but sometimes the words get blurry when they fall out of her saliva-soaked mouth. The weirdest reaction, though, is Erika's when they discuss it at Diana's Christmas party.

There must have been a White Elephant party at this party, and Erika must have received a whole box of “Yikes!”At this party, she pulled out all the stops. Crystal says that the holidays trigger her because there is lots of food, and she’s going out every night, and there’s more food to eat. She says, "I would just take a laxative and get rid of it all.

" Of all the palms in the world, this one had to hit your face. In terms of the alcoholic metaphor, that's like telling someone in AA how to sneak alcohol onto a plane. That's not right. That's not good.As Erika asks Crystal if she likes to vomit up her food, Crystal says she wants to poop it out instead of barf it up.

I understand that she's trying to sympathize with Crystal, but this isn't the right way. Kyle does not ask about her methods either. As an aside, isn't it sad that so many of these women have unresolved issues related to food? However, I believe a helpful approach is to ask, “What can I do to help you avoid being triggered?” 

It can be as simple as, “How can I support you?” Demonstrate that you're in the same boat as her and want to help her. I think that's right. Is there something that doesn't seem right? Telling her that she does not want to eat the chicken fingers at the party. Asher's Leif Garret haircut was even worse. (That's an old people's joke.)

Erika discusses going to therapy with Crystal, but Crystal is afraid of what she will discover. Erika asks, "Do you know what's going to come out?" "A better Crystal". I think her heart is in the right place, but the alcohol got in the way. I'm not feeling well for my girl Erika tonight. The LA Magazine article about her and Tom also recycles the "same old lawsuits" without revealing anything new, she says.

According to her, "It tries to dehumanize me." The funny thing is, this show, this platform, as everyone calls it, is supposed to humanize her, but she hasn't taken advantage of it. Still, we haven't seen her sincerely apologize to the victims. Despite her actions, we haven't seen her express any remorse.

Even though Tom is losing his memory, what about all the people who lost their settlement money? Meanwhile, Kathy Hilton, everyone's drunk aunt, wants to make sure the public knows the names of the people on her staff so that she won't call them "The Lady" anymore. Kyle is invited over to her house for lunch, and she serves caviar and baked potatoes. There was no way LVP could do it.

Since everything seemed so intentionally silly, I don't know how to make this funny. Has the schtick worn thin on me, or am I just jaded? Is Kathy's casual disregard for reality more scripted and forced this time around? I'm not certain. Because she is a white woman of means, I have no doubt that she uses her iPad to do everything.

In addition to looking at Instagram on their iPads, they love taking awkward pictures at family gatherings. Her inability to use her phone makes sense, but is that cute anymore? Maybe I'm just not as excited because I know she's holding out to get more money, which is why we didn't see her until this late in the season. 

This seems at odds with the character Kathy has created for the series. A poop was found on her sofa the other night, and she tells Kyle about it. What do you think it is? Someone or a dog?” It is Kyle who asks.

Kathy says someone did it. Is it possible for someone to just pee on your couch without you noticing? Did that person look like you, Kathy? Have you peed on your own couch? Does that explain how you know? Kathy, oh my. I forgive you all, at least until next week.